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Ces trucs de filles parfois inutiles que j’ai faits avant mon accouchement

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Oui, à ce moment-là, j’allais devenir une maman mais fallait-il que je renonce à ma vie de femme pour autant ? J’ai donc fait des trucs pendant lesquels j’ai récolté des « mouhahaha », « pffff » ou « t’es sérieuse ? » avec des petites mous amusées mais je m’en fichais pas mal… Non mais oh, c’est moi qui vais passer l’épreuve du feu alors je me prépare comme je veux, non ?

23h

accouchement-maternite-epilation-jambes-corps-raser-rasoir-femme-feminite-glamourJe suis tranquillement installée sur mon canapé quand ouille, ça picote ! Tiens, tiens, ce ne serait pas une contraction, ça ? Je ne sais pas bien, je n’en ai pas ressenti une seule pendant toute ma grossesse. J’imagine que c’est ça, alors avec Chou on compte leur durée, l’intervalle entre chaque et, sur une hésitation, on décide de se préparer pour aller à la maternité. Chou, tout heureux, se prépare, se parfume car il imagine la rencontre de sa Chouquette imminente (c’est mignon comme tout) et une fois prêt (pendant tout ce temps moi, je me tortille sur le canapé), il me dit « bon, on y va ? ». Comment ça on y va ? Non non, moi je dois…………………m’épiler !!! J’avais pris une douche juste avant que ça commence et là, il fallait absolument que j’y retourne. Chou sourit et me dit « Et si c’est pas le moment ? » Tant pis. Mon instinct me dit de le faire NOWWWWW !

Taux d’utilité ——–> 500%
C’était effectivement le bon moment et j’étais clairement rassurée d’être lisse et douce pour l’épreuve du feu ! Et puis, honnêtement, je n’avais pas envie que ce soit une épreuve pour la sage-femme en mode jungle party, haha !

23h20

trucs-de-filles-accouchement-maternite-lisser-cheveux-lisseurOuf, j’étais enfin lisse et douce mais ce n’était pas fini. Non mais attends, je n’ai pas envie d’avoir cette choucroute sur la tête sur les photos après l’accouchement !!!! Non, non, non, il faut attendre encore 🙂 « Mais que veux-tu faire encore ? » Mais quelle question Chou ! Me lisser les cheveux, évidemment !! Et oui, je suis de ces filles qui ont la crinière rebelle et qui ont fait du lisseur leur meilleur ami depuis plus d’une dizaine d’années.

Taux d’utilité ——–> 30 %
Au final, j’ai vraiment accouché avec la tignasse rebelle et sur les photos, ça doit se voir également… À vrai dire, je n’y ai même pas fait gaffe après.. Ça n’avait plus vraiment d’importance.

23h25

gossip-girl-shopping-vetement-top-robe-dress-blair-serena-accouchement-materniteOK, on était sur le point de partir à la maternité mais…qu’est-ce que j’allais bien pouvoir porter ? Comment ça on s’en fiche ?? Non mais ça va pas non ? J’ai sélectionné un super t-shirt large que j’adore et ma mère m’en a offert un spécialement pour l’occasion… Ils sont tous les 2 pliés dans la valise, bon, j’en mets un autre mais une fois qu’ils me diront « c’est pour maintenant », j’enfilerai le bon direct. 🙂

Taux d’utilité ——–> 0 %
Ouais…ouais…bon ben j’ai accouché en mode Eve, « moi Jane, toi Tarzan », bref, à oil-P avec la jolie blouse fournie par la maternité. Donc out le top ! ^_^

4h12

selfie-time-photo-pic-accouchement-truc-de-fille-glamour-maternite-mamanBon, je te passe l’épisode du monitoring, des chutes du Niagara en dessous de la ceinture et des contractions qui te font souffrir ta race car c’est pas le sujet. Non, à 4h12, j’étais plié en 8, j’avais pris plusieurs douches pour me soulager, je m’étais accrochée à toutes les rambardes et autres barres présentes dans la pièce pour accompagner ma douleur mais…malgré ça, j’ai eu envie de faire un truc : prendre un selfie ! Ben oui parce que…quand t’es au bout de ta vie, à quelques heures de pondre, c’est vrai que t’as que ça à faire. Ahah, selfie time !

Taux d’utilité ——–> 50 %
C’est rigolo de voir ça après coup mais c’est quand même pas le plus glamour de tes selfies :p Tu veux le voir ? Clique là.

6h37

joyce-jonathan-musique-chanson-accouchement-ecouter-nouvel-album-une-place-pour-moiLà, j’étais en mode Bisounours-C’est d’la bonne-Coeur-Coeur-Love, oui, vous l’aurez compris, j’étais sous péridurale. Et pour faire passer le temps, j’avais prévu un MP3 avec mes chansons préférées. Que nenni ! J’ai eu envie d’écouter quelque chose d’inédit. Ben oui, c’était quand même pas une situation comme une autre que j’étais en train de vivre. J’ai donc cliqué sur le lien qu’on m’avait envoyé pour écouter en avant-première le nouvel album de Joyce Jonathan « Une place pour moi » (ouais, on est d’accord, j’ai un job trop cool), je me suis dit que c’était l’occasion. Du coup, je me suis encore laissée porter par la douce voix et la poésie de la chanteuse et ça a rendu mon moment…encore plus agréable.

Taux d’utilité ——–> 100 %
Ça m’a permis de rendre ce moment doux, encore plus doux et de me rendre compte qu’avec son troisième album, Joyce Jonathan me plaît toujours autant qu’avec les deux précédents.

11h27

se-maquiller-fille-maquillage-accouchement-glamour-femmeQuand l’aide-soignante passe la porte de la salle en nous disant « Bon, les suivants, c’est vous », on s’est regardés avec Chou. Moi j’avais trop hâte d’y aller, ça commençait à pousser sérieux et je voulais serrer ma Chouquette dans mes bras. Chou était tout pâle, il faut dire que la fille qui a accouché pendant 2 heures (!!la pauvre!!) à côté hurlait non stop et ça l’a légèrement tendu… Il m’a raconté après que l’aide-soignante qui est entrée à ce moment-là avait du sang sur ses chaussures… Moi, je n’ai rien vu donc j’ai envie de croire qu’il n’avait pas les idées en place et que ben non…c’était du ketchup ! Bref, quand j’ai su qu’on était les prochains, le premier truc que j’ai dit à Chou c’est « Passe-moi ma trousse à maquillage ! ». Lui : « T’es sérieuse ? ». Évidemment. Accouchons oui, mais restons digne ! 😉

Taux d’utilité ——–> 20 %
Tu te sens maquillée et donc pas totalement moche-mal habillée-pas au top (alors que tu réalises un combo parfait sans vouloir le savoir) et ça, ça n’a pas de prix……. Mais en vrai, sur les photos, j’ai quand même l’allure d’un cachet d’aspirine. WTF ?!?

Bref, voilà pour moi.

Et toi, quelle manie as-tu eue avant d’accoucher ?

125 Comments

  1. rym dit :
    10/03/2016 à 10:07 am

    tu as tout a fait raison de vouloir rester belle en toutes circonstance, en ce qui me concerne, j’eté partie a la maternité vers 1 heure du matin, mais j’avais pris le temps de tout préparer, douche, maquillage…etc j’eté tres zen. mon mari m’avait dit avec ironie, si je compte partir a la matenrité ou a un mariage!!

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  2. Sev dit :
    10/03/2016 à 11:48 am

    Les jambes pas epilees depuis des mois (parce que bon, c’etait l’hiver, hein) … 1er reflexe, sous la douche et tout enlever!!! C’est tres tres important effectivement!!! toutes les filles que je connais ont eu le meme reflexe.
    Quant a ta photo, moi je trouve que tu as bien fait. Tu pourras dire a ta fille :’Tu vois, la, j’etais entre deux contractions » 😉

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  3. valerie dit :
    10/03/2016 à 2:51 pm

    Merci pour cet article ! Tu es extra, cela m’a bien fait rire et dédramatiser sur ces fameuses manies ( M-2, dans mon cas .. ah ah ah )
    Moi aussi il n’y a pas de raison j’ai prévu une pause d’extension de cils ( tranquilou, comme ça pas de mascara !) et le passage par la case epilation me parait inevitable aussi !!
    Je m’attends a un chéri qui me sortira les memes reflexions , mais on s’en fiche , lol 😉
    Tu as très très bien fait !
    Bravo

    Répondre
    • Little Mum Sunshine dit :
      10/03/2016 à 8:14 pm

      Trop heureuse que l’article t’ait fait rire :p
      Top pour l’extension de cils, c’est trop glamour, trop chic…trop femme quoi 🙂 Et oui les réflexions de nos chéris, on s’en fiche, c’est notre moment à nous ça 😉 Bon courage à toi !!

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  4. Appellation Maman dit :
    11/03/2016 à 6:06 am

    Hehehe! J’ai adoré 😜 moi pareil pour la douche et l’épilation! Pour l’accouchement de mon Petit Dragon j’avais choisi un gel douche à la noix de coco… Je voulais une odeur spéciale qui me rappellerai ce jour tout particulier ! Je me suis lavé les cheveux,j’ai choisi une jolie tenue que j’ai aussi du troqué contre une horrible blouse d’hôpital! Et c’est l’hôpital qui s’était chargé de la musique… Alejandro de Lady Gaga a désormais une connotation toute particulière 😉 pour les filles c’était césarienne donc beaucoup moins sympa… Et j’avais du coup eu tout le temps de m’épiler et me laver les cheveux! Rester femme en toutes occasions c’est très important 😉

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  5. peasandbutterflies dit :
    13/03/2016 à 2:09 pm

    Avant mon accouchement…
    1) l’épilation, c’était fait 2 jours avant.
    2) la douche, c’était fait du matin
    3) Idem pour les cheveux

    Pour le reste, vu que j’étais rentrée à l’hopital pour être provoquée, j’étais dans un t-shirt noir et blanc ligné, qui m’a suivi toute l’épreuve et qui s’est retrouvé tout de sang tâché! Huhu

    Je pense n’avoir rien fait de spécialement inutile puisque je me rendais à la maternité comme on envoie du bestiaux à abattoir.
    En revanche, j’ai fait le truc le plus MEGA utile de ma life! Sachant que c’était moi qui conduisait et que le parking de l’hôpital coûte un pont/un bras/un rein (2.20€ de l’heure)…, j’ai tourné pendant 10-15 minutes pour trouver une place gratuite proche de l’entrée de service des urgences (mon homme a travaillé dans cet hopital, je pouvais sortir par la porte magique).
    Du coup, en restant garée à une place « safe » du lundi soir au vendredi midi, je n’ai RIEN payé! Huhuhu !!!! SOOOOOOOOOOO PROUD la meuf!

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  121. enonvmfvh dit :
    29/03/2026 à 3:13 pm

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